Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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