She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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