as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
