I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
