you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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