If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
50% drunk capacity currently
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
