u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
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I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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