just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
