Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Randomize
