I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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