We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm at about main and main street
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
