he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
