Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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