There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
