the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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