Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
