I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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