Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
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I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There's a naked man in my car right now.
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize