I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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