Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
