Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
