The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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