Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
