I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Please don't give away my fajitas
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
