i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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