is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
