dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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