I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
