Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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