so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
