I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
