I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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