i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got inside last night via doggy door
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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