wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
