Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
