I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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