Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
