Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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