Fine. I'll sleep in my office
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
