I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
