my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
