3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize