Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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