dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
