Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The air was thick with penises
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
