I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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