And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
