not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
