And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize