Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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