Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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