Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is the high leading the old right now
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
