hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
