I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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