Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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