you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We were destined to go to rehab together
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
