i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
