I heard we made out
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
