I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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