I bet he comes in French.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
