Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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