Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
