It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
