now i know why i became what i already was.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
