if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
