watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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