turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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