Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she told me i tasted like america
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
