ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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