grandma shit on top of the toilet
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
