god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
