how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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