im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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