I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
