he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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