I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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