Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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