Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
