I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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