So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
